33 year old father/husband with ADHD

by Phillip

I'm a 33 year old father/husband/computer programmer. I'm a terrible listener, disorganized, and often find it difficult to keep on track of whatever I'm working on. I've come to the realization that I have ADHD.

Your description of your problem of getting distracted/losing attention when people talked to you especially resonates with me.

My wife of 4 years is losing patience with my inability to effectively listen to/understand her conversations with me. I try not to ask her to constantly repeat herself, so I try to get away with the gist of her conversations, but too often I will reply or bring-up/ask a question about something (either immediately or later), and she will say get irritated and say something like, "I just said that", or "weren't you listening, I already told you..."

I thought I WAS listening. Often I get distracted when trying to listen to her, and almost always I ask her to repeat the first part of the beginning of her conversation because it takes me a few seconds to transition into a listening mode.

It hurts her feelings. She gets angry. She doesn't think I care about what she has to say.

I get frustrated that she makes a big deal about me missing "a detail" of the conversation. I realize I need to become a better listener. Sometimes it's more than a detail that I miss.

I excel at my work but I don't need to implement good listening skills much at my work. Most conversations involve "shooting the breeze" around the water cooler. Most business correspondence is in email or short phone conversations. My projects are presented to me through a software application, so I can start and finish them without the need to even talk with someone.

I am easily distracted, and have to force myself to get into a good "mental working zone".

I don't want to go through life missing out on bits of information, or appearing to be rude or disinterested because of my poor listening skills.

Especially, I don't want my wife and children resenting me because I don't appear to care about what they have to say.

I found this site along my new search for information about how to treat my ADHD and save my marriage.

Thanks for the site Nate.