An ADHD Girl: The Rebel for a Reason

by Karen
(Portland, OR, USA)

When I was in third grade, my parents took me to a psychiatrist and I was diagnosed as being "Hyperactive" and was put on Dexedrine for three years.

I had major temper tantrums, I was loud and interrupted people all the time. I couldn't sit still for the life of me and my enthusiasm was never contained. I wet the bed until puberty at age 14.

I think in sixth grade when they took me off of it, they didn't want to interfere with puberty. Well, that's when many of my problems began.

Socially, I was immature and timid. I was one of the "pits people". I had one friend in middle school. Once I got to high school, I started hanging out with the "bad girls". Got involved with smoking cigarettes and pot. Skipped school, stole from stores, vandalized buildings and other mischievous behaviors.

I was in and out of psychiatric hospitals and on a myriad of psycho-drugs. I ended up going to three different high schools and moving to another state to live with relatives.

After high school, I tried college. Needless to say I wasn't a very good student in high school. Most subjects were just too hard and I couldn't maintain attention to them. In college, I was a little better but ended up getting pregnant.
Quit college.

Exactly two years later I had another baby. (You'd think I'd learn the first time but I know now that repeated mistakes often appear in people with ADHD) Got married and had another baby. Ten years after that, I got divorced. Couldn't put up with the alcoholic husband. Got married again to yet another alcoholic and after that marriage ended, got involved with another alcoholic.

I've been single now for 5 years. (that repeated mistake again) During my marriages, they were turbulent and full of chaos. I guess that ADHD in me craved that excitement. I was never able to save money but am more determined now more than ever to change that.

I have always been very spontaneous and have engaged in many activities without thinking. I moved two and a half years ago across the country to a locale sight unseen (more spontaneity).

Thanks to the ADHD, I have spunk and a youthfulness that some may see as immaturity but I refuse to get "old". I will never retire as I can't get stagnant. I'm always looking for a challenge. That's just one reason why I've done so much job jumping over my life.

The ADHD has also contributed to countless mistakes at jobs (which some I had never owned up to) or just plain boredom or I'd come up with some other "reason" to leave a job. I am determined this time to stay at my current job for as long as possible, toughing out the boredom and trying to learn all I can here.

In 2008, I was "re-diagnosed" with ADHD and on one hand it was a relief because there was indeed a reason for my life but I was also angry that it went for so long with no one ever making the connection.

I tried medications but they didn't work for long. I am currently working with my therapist on behavior modification techniques and reading books on ADHD - expanding my library.

I know what my weaknesses are, I know what my strengths are. The trick is to take those strengths to work through those weaknesses.

Most of the time, I know I'm not a failure but I do have self-esteem issues because of the struggles un-treated/un-diagnosed ADHD imposed on my life.

Part of my mission is to live my life with purpose invoking honesty, trust, patience and love for myself. ADHD can either help or hinder it and it's up to me.

Today, I choose to have the ADHD help my life. And I hope that by sharing my story, it will offer hope to the person reading it.